What?
Me a Victim?
Coaching for Personal Responsibility
By Jerry
Graham
Recently, a client (in training as a coach) posed an
interesting question...”Can you coach anyone
to peak performance?” The implication of the question was that there might be
some people that just cannot perform at a level that yields excellence.
At the risk of being overly dogmatic, I just can’t imagine
such a situation. Frankly, if I felt that no amount of coaching with a
receptive client who truly desired change would lead to improvement, my
integrity would force me to seek a different profession.
Responsibility
vs. Victimhood
In my mind, this brings up the age-old issue of victim
versus responsible. There are those who see themselves as the victim in all of
their circumstances—victim to the weather, the economy, their spouse, their
family, even God. They just live their lives buffeted by events that are beyond
their control. Each event creates emotions...fortunately some good, but most
bad. (Hmmm, did you notice the victim mentality inherent in the word
“fortunately?”) The problem is that when one sees themself as victims, they are
virtually helpless. There is no way out. No solution...short of the rapture.
The other side of the coin is to view all your
circumstances from a responsibility point of view. Coin is a very appropriate
metaphor here because every coin has two sides. And a person looking at one
side sees one thing while another person looking at the other side sees
something entirely different. But it’s the same coin. So, simply asking the
question regarding any circumstance or event, “What choice did I make that
allowed this circumstance to happen?” totally reframes that circumstance. This
perspective change or paradigm shift is one of the things coaches are trained
to do.
Note that accepting some level of responsibility (very
different than blame) for circumstances produces a whole different set of
emotions than being a victim. The responsible line of thinking opens the door
to making a different choice, which may alter the outcome. Isn’t it interesting
to observe that the probability of a victim mentality altering the outcome is
zero? That’s clearly the no-win viewpoint.
Coaching
for Responsibility
What does all this have to do with coaching other people
to peak performance? Only that we all make choices every moment of every day of
our lives. Sometimes our choices are deliberate, but far too often they are
simply unconscious choices as a result of our internal programming. (Do you
remember each and every one of the thousands of choices you made as you drove
to work this morning?) A coach is trained to help you become more aware of your
choices. Different choices produce different results. One leads to having a
modicum of being in control while the other leads to living life as a helpless
victim. Which do you choose?
Jerry Graham is a certified coach and coach trainer who helps pastors
and ministry leaders become the leaders they were meant to be. Meet Jerry at www.TheCoachingPair.com or www.CoachingPastors.com/Graham.htmll.